Pride

Pride is a deadly sin.

Being proud is not something to be proud of.

Have you ever had that feeling of guilt washing over you like a huge, kick-ass tidal wave as you literally watch someone start drowning in pain right in front of your eyes? Whether it's just a small thing that's upsetting them, or whether you know you're hurting them by not helping, the guilt that hits you is almost as deadly as the damage you've caused.

What goes around comes around right?

The thing that stops people from helping, from showing their concern and their weakness, from being the one to back out of a fight first and forfeit their dignity, is pride.

People who are proud often have a superiority complex. I don't even know if that's legit and exists, I actually kinda made it up from memory. But you know what I mean. Pride is deadly. It puts you high up in your own head when you're not and it's much easier not to be.

Pride prevents you from showing shame. Admitting shame. Being shamed.

Pride is the evil that forces you to hold your head up and snob the laughing crowd, hold your head up and snob the awkward silence, just hold your head up and pretend that you are higher than the world so that you don't have to feel the awkward humiliation. At least not yet.

Because the thing pride does best, is forcing you to bury the want of just collapsing into a huge blubbering mess of insecurites, until when you're all alone in your room at night, and when only the darkness remains to witness how weak you really are.

Admit it. You really want to let it out. Everyone does. All your anxieties, the little bits of paranoia you experience everyday, thoughts that make you doubt yourself and where you're going, what you're doing here.

But your pride won't let you will it? Because you know if you showed the world who you truly are, people will get sick of you eventually. No one wants to have a friend who needs to be constantly cheered up, constantly reassured, constantly, constantly looked after. People get sick of those things like they get sick of washing the dishes, once is okay but everyday for the rest of your life makes you want to smash your head against the sink repeatedly till the dishes come alive and wash themselves.

So when can you swallow your pride? When should you?

What if you let the one you trust most see everything, every insecure little pathetic detail about you, but they just can't take it? What if they get sick of you too? Sick of who you really are inside. How weak you are.

Well that'd be tragic.

So what if indeed.



J