Saturday, June 30, 2012

Pissed off

Why the hell did I ever cry for you? Shed tears for you?
Why the hell did I ever compromise myself for you?
Why the hell did I ever keep on chasing after you after you hurt me so bad, so much, so deep?
Why the hell did I ever sacrifice myself for you, my future for you, my friends for you-

Why the hell was I ready to go where ever you lead me, where ever you told me to go, where ever you said that I should go?

Why the hell did I diminish myself like that for you-
why did I change for you to meet your shallow expectations?
why did I become dumber for you because you could'n't keep up with me?
why the hell did I have to mould myself to meet your ends only for you to be
ashamed of me?
embarrassed of me?

Why the hell did I swallow my pride like that to chase after you,
to let people look down on me,
to have people look down on me after all that time because of your stupid pride,
because people think you're the victim,
I'm the vixen,
I have no shame, no face
whereas you get to keep all your goddamn pride.

When I was crying on the streets I was embarrassing you

When I got angry I was letting down us

I was always the problem
my tempers
my inabilities
there was just something wrong with me,
not you,
never you god forbid.
Why the hell did I force myself to do so many things for you
Why the hell did I give up so much of myself for you
Why was I stupid enough to disgrace myself like that?

I will not change for anyone.
I will not dull down my shine for your ego.
I will not let you feel superior and above me if you're not.

I will do what I want to do
Dress how I want to dress.
Talk the way I want to talk.
Like what I want to like.
I will not give up my friendships for your insecurities.

And now I will become a better me.
A smarter me.
A more vibrant and amazing me who will radiate with happiness and life and vivaciousness.
A me who when you meet will make you regret not treasuring me from the beginning.

If you treasured me from the beginning then maybe things would've been different.

If I didn't have to work so hard from the beginning, if I didn't have to be the person who sacrificed so much from the beginnning,
maybe towards the end I wouldn't've felt the way I did.
And when I looked at you,

You were always the one calling the shots.

Well I'm glad at the end I got to call the shot.
You finally got a taste of what it's like to be on the shitty end of a one-sided relationship.
You finally got a taste of what I had suffered.

And I'm glad all this has happened.

Because it's taught me that I will never ever dull myself down for anyone else again.

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