Monday, October 31, 2011

That's it, isn't it?

That story uncanningly reminds me of my own parents. And probably so many other parents as well. Didn't my dad come to NZ by himself with a work visa? For two years he was here by himself, working part time and studying at uni with a loan. He'd come with a group of men in similar situations, but he was one of the only ones who persisted and stayed. After two years he deemed it time for my mum and me to come. We lived off around $100 a week at that time in a small flat with second hand furniture. I wonder how I was so oblivious to these things back then. I don't even know what sort of jobs my parents had. It must have gotten better because we could afford to buy a new (second hand) car before we drove down to Wellington. Wow, and I remembered we had to stay in a hostel at the city hospital before we could find a house to rent.

I'm almost in awe at my parents. My dad especially. How could I have taken everything for granted growing up? How did my dad, in the space of 15 years, manage to build a life here for us from scratch? He had to learn a new profession, a new language, way of society, a new culture. And yet here we are now, stable, indulging in excess because we can afford it, and my parents undoubtedly both have successful jobs, my dad extremely so. He climbed to the top.

This just proves it. I've realised the whole point of all this remembering. The real world is like survival of the fittest. My dad was the fittest. He survived and built us all this.He succeeded. I have the same genes. The survival gene. The fittest gene. The success gene. He slaved and worked so, so hard for who else? For me, so I could have the opportunity to succeed as well. So I could have better opportunities, more opportunities, and be even more successful, right? So my children, my future family, and generations on, can indulge excessively in a rich and comfortable quality of living.

It makes me wonder if it's true, the fact that some people think homeless people deserve what they get. If they'd just try, perhaps they would get somewhere better in life? Is it possible? Because right now for some reason, I feel like my parents have earned the right to indulge in every single dollar they spend, no matter what it's on. They have the right to do what they want with their money - maybe their hardships aren't as pitiful or tough as those endured by people living off the streets, but they've earned this life for themselves, and I definitely believe that if you want something, then you have to work hard until you earn it and deserve it.

I've wasted a whole hour trying to analyse all these random thoughts. Panic is setting in, the fact that my parents are constantly ringing every hour definitely speaks volumes about how much they want me to do good in this next exam. Well at least now I know I'm armed with the success gene, as well as the "blood and sweat and toil" gene, so with the strongest resolve I can muster, I'm going to study this exam so hard that it's gonna beg for my mercy on friday to go easy on it as I pull out the moves (yeeah I dunno about the likelihood of that ever occuring but you gotta aim high to get somewhere...)

I've just realised something. It's selfishness isn't it? When we procrastinate, when we go out and party instead of studying, when we play games instead of doing what we're suppose to be to guanrantee a bright future, we're just being selfish. Our generation is pretty selfish and self-indulging.. everyone's guilty. What's worse is that studying and doing work isn't even a selfless act. It's not like it's all for your parents and none for you. In fact it's predominantly for yourself. But often that's not a strong enough motivator.. because think about it, you can deal with hurting yourself, but would you hurt your parents? Love is a better motivator than anything else. Than bitterness or competitiveness or ambition or redemption. If you know you have to work hard to not disappoint the ones you love, then that should be all you need. If you still can't summon the self resolve to do something for someone who was always there for you from the first time you fell over to now, then question your own morals and priorities for a second. Everyone's more than capable of achieving things they have labelled off as "unrealistic". You just have to want it for the right reasons. But that's just my take on it. I'm sure for a lot of people, their situation would be different. Still, just something to think about.


  1. lol come thursday night, that exam is going to panic at the thought of being done so hard by you that it wont remember what subject it was. good luck jeannie~~

  2. yes, indeed I am going to do it so hard that it won't remember its own name

  3. yes, you're gonna do it so hard the whole table shakes and all the other students in your row wont even be annoyed cause they're just thankful they're not that exam script.