NOTE TO SELF

I am such a freaking retard.

Next time I do something as dumb as this again, please follow the following procedure:

Step one: Stop hating myself
Step two: Stop wallowing in my loss
Step three: Repeatedly smack my head against the desk until I lose consciousness
Step four: Ideally lose all memory of doing said stupid thing and proceed to start again on work as if the last four hours hadn't happened

Step five: NEVER DO SOMETHING DUMB LIKE THIS EVER AGAIN

A guitar song

Sitting by myself in the window seat at subway. A melancholic guitar melody strums from the radio and drifts to people walking hurriedly outside. I wonder if they hear it? The song seems to seep through me. I feel like I'm transcending the monotonous landscape of my dull surroundings and one of those people outside must have pressed play on a secret brain controlling remote while walking past. A ridiculous musical montage begins attacking my thoughts. I'm given no peace and quiet to wallow in solitude. I'm forced instead to relive ridiculously happy memories of us as the guitar strums on, suddenly so annoying and crisp and cheery.I feel like I'm in an Asian music video where the girl dwells in guilt of her rage at some hot boyfriend figure and then proceeds to reminense in a cliched flash back of their most heart warming moments; stitched together into a neat little montage by a soulful and tender voice humming over the light strum of a few shy guitar notes.

This is really ridiculous...the subway lady must have put something in my meatballs.

Bring back the old days?

So I found myself still awake during the early hours of the morning again today, reading page after page after page of a delicious Harry Potter fanfiction I just couldn't put down. Snuggled up in my big warm bed with layers of smothering cotton duvet piled around me like a giant hug, listening to the pattering rain outside my window, reading line after giggling line of dramione, I really felt so warm and content and safe that it makes me want to dive right back into my duvets again even thought it's 4pm in the afternoon.

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White flag

I won't go down with this ship
I won't hold my head up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Will I go down with this ship?
Will I hold my head up and surrender?
Will there be my white flag above your door
I'm in love

Always will be

Hold on to your sanity

Lately I've realised that deep down, everyone's really screwed in the head in some way. Inside every single person lies a pool of insecurities they hide from the world. But the thing is, some people deal with it fine right?

There are some people who are like these strong fearless beasts, able to hold their head up high and proudly stalk through a sea of onlookers without even so much as blinking an eye over what other people might think of them.

But then, there are also those people who only pretend to act fearless, pretend to hold their head up and not care about such things when really deep down, it's slowly gnawing away at their conscience and sanity and eating them up. It takes away their confidence. Happiness. Reason.

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One day

One day, I will finish all my assignments early, like I always wanted to.

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Pride

Pride is a deadly sin.

Being proud is not something to be proud of.

Have you ever had that feeling of guilt washing over you like a huge, kick-ass tidal wave as you literally watch someone start drowning in pain right in front of your eyes? Whether it's just a small thing that's upsetting them, or whether you know you're hurting them by not helping, the guilt that hits you is almost as deadly as the damage you've caused.

What goes around comes around right?

The thing that stops people from helping, from showing their concern and their weakness, from being the one to back out of a fight first and forfeit their dignity, is pride.

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